I do. I really do. I think I'm funny.
Like telling jokes funny. Like COMEDIAN funny. I'm constantly making myself laugh with funny and PUNNY things, and will forever endeavor to entertain my lucky listeners. . . and prove my comedic CHOPS to the disbelieving. Watch out, SNL. Lorne Michaels, your next big talent is a 41 year old mother of four. Believe the hype.
Sadly, I'm the only one who holds this opinion.
Case in point:
ME: My face is so red, I'll need to wear a beekeeper's hat tomorrow. With a full-on veil. This face needs to be hidden for the foreseeable future. I may scare small children. Including my own.
BONUS KID: I don't know what that is, but I will pretend that I do.
OWEN: You should talk to so-and-so's mom. She's the beekeeper at school.
ME: Huh? Really? They keep bees at school?
OWEN: Yup. Tons of them.
ME: Wow. How do I not know this? (Wait for it. . . going in for the KILL. . . )
I bet they are mostly found in the 8th grade.
ME: Get it? In the 8th grade?
OWEN: Ohhh! I get it now!
ME: See!!! That was funny! They are mostly in the 8th grade because 8th graders are so buggy!!
OWEN: Ah, no. I thought it was because the 8th graders mostly got B's.
JASON: That's what I thought, too.
ME: Either way......funny, right?
CRICKETS YET AGAIN.
OWEN: Uh, not really.
JASON: No. Not funny.
ME: I didn't say I was a comedian!
JASON: Yeah. We know.
I say bees, you say B's.
Me and Rodney Dangerfield. I GET NO RESPECT. NONE.
Clearly, these people can't recognize TALENT when it is staring them STRAIGHT IN THE FACE. With or without the beekeeper's helmet.